Tarts in Crisis - We Need Your Help

Oh, I'm so pleased to see you haven't forgotten us! Last night began as fun - the "Knees Up" went so well that even the Fat Cockerel Doorstops lost some weight!!
After that the night was ruined by such silly bickerings, too many teenage flare-ups and brittle glass sensibilities.......... it was all over who should go on holiday with Jean and John (and apparently it's ages away yet!!).
"Wedding Day" had heard Becca mention that this wedding in Italy would be just perfect for her (as is the tailor-made holiday for "Rose of Morocco" with Auntie Kate). But "Sicilian Orange" upset a lot of us by threatening to tell her Godfather if she wasn't allowed to go - especially as Stuart proposed to his lovely affianced in Sicily!! This Godfather sounds a bit of an ogre, an ancient "Brown Sugar and Spice" Mom (large jar) round the back told about the American side of this family and they do sound very violent (they have some sort of Gun Machine that kills people they don't like!! - How awful, I'm glad we're here in York, it's lovely here..........
Anyway, "Greek Fig and Blackcurrant" became so very agitated about wanting to go too that she dribbled Ribena all over "Vera Cruz Vanilla" and caused a terrible commotion on the World Series Shelves. "Sicilian Orange" threatened to put her in something called a strait jacket - but "Canary Island Banana" said it would probably be concrete boots - I don't know what that meant but "Indonesian Ginger" screamed out and said there was no call for language of that sort in this shop.
There are so many of us lovely young Tarts just aching to see a bit of the world, and Italy in particular, that we more sensible girls have proposed it should be put to a wider audience to decide who goes - we can't all go as John says the plane wouldn't get off the ground (it sounds as though it only has 2 Jets!!). So, we're going to run a competition here on this page so that you can vote for who goes. Jean has decided that she and Auntie Bombana will make up a short-list of those who can qualify - so that's a big NO to "Frosted Pumpkin" for a start............ and then I have been given a small team of us more sensible Tarts to tart our wares to you and then take votes on who should go - only 3 will make it as John says that's already more Tarts than he can handle!!! He does talk nonsense sometimes, I've seen him carry dozens of us in one hand!!! Jean says that "Wedding Day" is already prequalified, so there will be room for 2 more for you to choose - and I'll get back to you when my fragrant committee have a shortlist. We can't argue with Jean, even John admits that sometimes she really is "The Boss".
So, we'll need your help, don't forget us will you? I'm going to write to Auntie Astrid in Bossland, and Uncle Paul (that used to visit us a lot) and they will be pleased to hear that you are taking part - it's all one happy family now (if only it had been like this all night!!!).
John says he will keep "Sicilian Orange" in line because he's "....a Grandfather three times over and some waxy Godfather doesn't frighten him" !!! (Jean says John was a train-killer in his younger day - though we don't know what a train-killer is?? - anyway it sounds pretty tough to us.
"Evening Primrose" just laughed at "Country Linen" and me because she is sure Jean said "trained killer", and apparently she knows what a train is because a customer she knows works at the Railway Museum...... Well, that's odd because John was up at the Railway Museum the other morning working on some School Technology Competition - maybe he was getting a new train or something to use on "Sicilian Orange"??
Anyway, I have to go now because the shop is about to open and I've got to get down to the front of the tray - John will be in on his own today and I want to hear what Jean tells him to do, he always forgets you know - or he's too deaf to hear properly so he just does what he wants - it's amazing what he gets away with!!
Old Momma "Brown Sugar and Spice" says I have to wave one hand and say to you - "I'll be back" - it makes her laugh so much she says it's in-congrewelous (or something like that) seeing a pretty young tart saying that. We just humour her because she's very strong and she's been around a long time, and don't forget - it was her young tarts that we thought survived a while in John's drawers........... haha, must go..... Byeeeeeeeeeeee, I'll be Back